Testo Pops (R.I.P)

Rest in peace, Pops
Ain't a day go by where I don’t think about him
Check

Having dreams of that old apartment number
Seein' my pops and then I start to wonder
If I ain't seen his face at 3 a.m., if I could find some slumber
Man, depression from this grief, it got me goin’ under The fact my homie [?] denyin' me comfort
I lost the man who took me through all the rain and the thunder
Why you had to go?; I swear to God that I wish he was younger
The same weekend that he went, I was doin' a show
I came back to touch your body and feel it was cold
I told him not to drink and swear that he never would fold
I guess that this is just the way that the realest will go
Now I'm just thinkin' like, damn, when am I next?
And I can't believe in God 'cause I'm not like the rest
There’s a guy in the sky ripped the heart out my chest
’Cause right now life sucks and I'm livin’ in vexed
What's the point of spending life half down on your knees?
When eventually, we see black, ain't no Adam and Eve
If there's a guy up there, please show your existence
Maybe you already have with the stars in the distance I don’t know, I'm here to get the cream and remain persistent
Let me just leave it alone and I'll play my position
Which is supply music and show my ambition
Which is never flex statistics and throw it in writtens
So it's fuck everybody and fuck your opinion
'Cause I recognize real, not these dudes in they feelings
Ever since Thick Niggas, my pockets been heavy
Now I supply my family with profit and Chevys
Got my dad tellin' me, "Thank you, you always impress me"
But I'm still distant with Mom's, it continues to stress me
These just these little thoughts I have while I'm gone off the Henny
Love is in short supply and, no, I ain't handin' out any
My pops just had his last breath of life
Just down the street from my home
I'm still trippin' that he got to see me get on
It's crazy how this world can get, people can take it from you
I've learned to cherish times until they ain't in front you
Chuggin' forties back to back
Got my head havin' a heart attack
Sick of the thought of Heaven, knowin' we only see black
When it was time for God to save my friend, he took a step back
Well, that's fake, and so is his existence for that
But if you do exist, then why do you choose this?
My life a movie, you make me put it into my music
How long until I say, "Fuck it and screw this"?
Kick the bucket and do it
Let's just end the confusion
I'm just stuck in my ways so what's the point of improvement?
And from my point of view, I just don't see no amusement
In this shit called life, quick to slice your back like a steel knife
Gettin' crossed by my homies that I thought was real tight
Shorty feelin' real nice
Down farther, all of my relationships
The same ones who showing me love are those I'm impatient with
Feels like I got the world on my back now
And ever since he passed, I'll never back down
Never lettin' the gas down
Now when I'm writin' songs, he's in the background
Peepin' a young lyricist class clown
Death been makin' me bitter
Gotta relax by stuffin' a Swisher
Tryna see the bigger picture
Vietnam was makin' 'em shiver
Government always make it hard for a nigga
Tragic death got me with bars for a nigga

Everyday, I wish for my pops back
Remember sittin' at [?]
Regrettin' every single time I ever talked back
Callin' his phone knowin' he won't call back
Remember gettin' kicked out of the house and usin' his crib to fall back
Is life really all that?
Well, now I really don't know
He for damn sure got me focused on my goals
I feel him in my soul
He always used to teach me with his soul
One day, I'll understand him when I'm old