Testo Awakening

For a long time it hasn't been there, perhaps never...
Quietly it crept along all the time, always there, but not with me.
Now it's here, feeds on and destroys me.
It's everywhere, I cannot flee without leaving myself.

Time captures me,
will it increase my distance?
The tears will dry, or never be cried, when they fall it will leave with them and nothing will be left of me. An awakening to see the downfall,
like an old leaf that receives cognition before it's blown away,
just to realize: now it's too late.

Is this a dream or a nightmare? Summerdays fade.
A part of me dies, buried by the other, secluded and without remorse.
It's still, the funeral in solemn peace, in the air's the question:
"What shall become?"

Here I lie now and watch. It's another life. Through the looking glass I
can see, clouds drag past like ethereal to show that the time goes by,
while my mind is clear in empty space.
You think you can be, but are not there. This world of repeating
obscurities, back from my deviations time diverges to capture me in
presence. The only way has no return betrayed by myself.
The fall came suddenly,
meaningless everything now.
Weightless, all burdenings are gone.
Absolute freedom, feel it before the eternal nothingness.
Perishing finally my life leaks out,
next to the flowers,
my torment beneath their beauty, the memories gather
waving like seeds in the summernights' wind,
reminders of gratification.
And soon the mourning will end.
Repentance fills emptiness with grief.
There won't be a return,
the sorrow has found its end.