Testo Exit Bags

I'm not sure when I stopped reading science fiction
Stopped believing in the world to come
When everything you dreamed at seventeen
Is stuck laughing at the sum -

You try to find some deeper meaning
But every day feels like an ending
You're not sure you feel it anymore
And you're not sure why
That Catholic girl still lives inside you
You never shook your fear of hell
Transpacific flight
You may have already died
So smile up under the swell

And try to shake the constant feeling
The double takes and "no it can't be's
Then we met in a mansion and you swore you had the plan
Preacher talked about the ocean while you clamped onto my hand

Head split open in wonder
Marvel at the painted sky Head split open whenever
You just want to see my face forever

I'm not sure when this turned into science fiction
Blessed to wake up at the world's end
A fitting joke
I found something to love
As you turn to salt in my hands